Restraint of pen and tongue

In terms of program this has been one of the most valuable lessons I have learned, restraint of tongue and pen. In my disease while I was drinking I did more than my share of drunk dialing and texting. Mostly they were expressions of love (read: booty call)so if I was to look at the bright side, I didn't alienate anyone with anger or drama. At 408 days of sobriety accompanied with a solid program tonight is a test of patience and tolerance I don't remember requesting of my higher power. There is a crowd of siblings-in-law downstairs while I'm in my bedroom nursing a headache brought on by too much sun, not enough water. I am first grateful that said headache is due to a mild form of dehydration and not severe hangover. I am also grateful that I chose the easier, softer way to remind our guests that I was up here. In the past, in my disease I would have sent a sarcastic text to my "husband equivalent" something like, "could you ask the girls to cackle louder there is a coven across town that can't hear them.". This would have been followed with a trip downstairs so they could see how sick I was, exaggerated by my squinting eyes and shuffle around the kitchen. Instead I chose to go downstairs to get a few more advil and another bottle of water and say hello. When asked why I wasn't joining them for Tosh.0, the new American family pastime, I explained that i just couldn't shake this headache. I was wished well and it has gotten a bit quieter. The lesson? I could have been the bitch girlfriend who yelled and screamed about noise, but that would have made me more angry, the girls would not have turned down the volume and I would still have this headache. Oh wait, another sister just arrived with her 1 and 3 year olds...progress, not perfection, right? I will repeat the serenity prayer and hope for the best.

Let's start at the very beginning

There are days when I Look at my life and think "what the Hell". Somedays it is tough. Somedays i make poor decisions. I mean, it isn't like I am Arnold Schwarzenegger and a baby mama has crawled out of the shadows to collect for her lottery ticket love child. It isn't like I am Lindsay Lohan using the entry to the local jail as a revolving door as penance for my actions. I have morals, I have a sense of right and wrong, I don't ask "why me," because the answer is "why not me?". I am an overweight alcoholic with Prada tastes on a Payless budget. Making changes is part of life. Growing up is part of life. Becoming responsible is part of growing up. So here I am, 5 years outside of gastric bypass (cosiderably thinner)and 1 year into sobriety (a grateful alcoholic in recovery). I still refer to myself as a fat girl and as an alcoholic because I am. Just because I have taken off most of the weight and don't drink alcohol doesn't change who I am. I am in recovery, I am progress, not perfection. This is where my story begins.